


How To Move On

by PartridgeOnAPearTree



Category: Fate/Grand Order, Fate/stay night & Related Fandoms
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Dialogue-Driven, Feel-good, I've been corrupting my brain by watching too many rom-coms recently, It keeps me awake while I farm without sleeping, M/M, Recovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-11
Updated: 2020-09-11
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:34:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26408062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PartridgeOnAPearTree/pseuds/PartridgeOnAPearTree
Summary: It's been two years, and Bedivere still hasn't moved on from his previous relationship. He employs the help of Merlin who advertised himself as a dating consultant.(Inspired by Merlin's first bond line where he says that Guda is always welcome to receive his consultation, especially concerning love.)
Relationships: Bedivere | Saber/Merlin | Caster
Comments: 4
Kudos: 11





	How To Move On

**Author's Note:**

> if you tell me four years ago that i'll be writing a fic with the 'feel-good' tag, i wouldn't have believed you

“I just—it’s already been two years, and it still hurts.” Bedivere closes his eyes because by doing so, he can pretend that since he can’t see anything, no one is seeing him too. Alternatively, closing his eyes also prevents his tears from spilling. He’s never liked crying when others can witness him. “He was, like… someone from a dream, a fairy tale. He's someone that I can only dream of, you know? I can’t even begin to approach the tiniest fraction of how great he is. I knew immediately that if I lose him once, I’ll never be able to find him again.”

Merlin hums. “I see, I see. That’s quite the predicament.”

“You sound so bored. You think I'm stupid, don’t you? Everyone else does. They said that two years is a lot of time to move on and find someone new. You know, my friend, Gawain—he said that I should only take three months mourning over a breakup. Maximum. He keeps on sending me to these blind dates, and he's using a Tinder account with my name on it. But I just—I don’t know—they're never quite like… _him_. You know?”

“No, I'm not bored. I'm assessing the situation. I think it’s a mistake for you to compare anyone to anyone. Naturally, no one will be quite like him because they're _not_ him.”

Bedivere sighs, deflated. “I see… That, too, makes sense… I want no one but him… There's no hope for me, is there? When I saw your advertisement—a dating consultant—I was so desperate, I just had to ask for help. I just want him back.”

“All right, let’s manage your expectations for a bit, shall we? I won’t know if it’s possible to get him back to you unless I talk to him.”

“Oh…” Bedivere looks down, a tear spills from his eye. “I see…”

“Did he remain single? Have you two been talking?”

“No… and no…”

“…Ah. Haha.”

“I saw him in the mall, like, half a year after we broke up. I approached him, I wanted to make small talk, I wanted to know how he’s been… He only smiled awkwardly, introduced me to his new boyfriend, and then they left. I was smiling too and telling him that I'm happy for him, but I cried so much after he was gone. I can’t believe he replaced me in six months. We’ve been friends forever, then we dated our entire college lives, and he just—he replaced me. Just like that. As if I never mattered. I didn’t even have to matter as a boyfriend, I just, even our friendship is gone, and that hurts so much more. We were so close…”

“Why did you break up?”

“You know, that question is funny because to my knowledge, we didn’t ‘break up’. It was supposed to be a temporary cool-off. He said he just needed a short break, that he was confused, that he needed to figure things out about himself… the next thing I knew, the ‘break’ has lasted six months, and he has a new boyfriend. I don’t know what I did wrong…”

“Mmm, that sounds… mmm.”

“Sounds what?”

“Bedivere, was it?”

“Yes…?”

“You're so beautiful, and your heart is so pure and full of love. I want to be as gentle as possible when dealing with you…”

“A-Ah…? Huh?”

“But I need to tell you that there's no hope about this. You won’t get him back.”

“Oh…” Bedivere deflates even more. “Oh… So you're saying…”

“Mmm.”

“You're saying… that I won’t get him back?”

“That’s… That’s exactly what I said, yes.”

“I won’t get him back?”

“Uh-huh.”

“H-How do you know that? I’ve known him my entire life, _he’s_ known me his entire life—”

“But he already is with someone, right? I don’t think he valued your time together as much as you did.”

“What? Huh…” Bedivere sobs. “But he was so good to me… He said I was the person closest to him, and…”

“People change and get confused. Of course, I don’t know him, so I don’t know what happened to him, but this doesn’t necessarily have to be your fault.”

“I… but if it’s not my fault, then why leave me?”

“It can be something from his side. Maybe he just realized he doesn’t like you. Maybe he really was confused and just unexpectedly found someone while away from you. Maybe he's just a prick.”

“I don’t know… I just… Maybe it’s because I'm too plain and ordinary, and…”

Merlin clasps his hands together. “Okay, enough of this.”

“O-Oh, sorry. Were we on a time limit? I'm so sorry…”

“No, that’s not what I meant. Being regretful is the most useless feeling, you know? If you have that energy, you should just use that energy to look towards the future.”

“That’s easier said than done…”

“Quick, tell me something you dislike about him.”

“Huh?”

“Quick, I said! Ten, nine, eight—”

“I can’t! I was telling you he was straight from a fairy tale!”

“Most fairy tales are originally fucked up, you know? Seven, six, five—”

“Um, ah, I—I can’t do it, Merlin! You're pressuring me!”

“If you don’t come up with something, I’ll just walk away with your money now.”

“E-Eh? I, uh, I—I don’t like how overly competitive he can get sometimes! Even if it’s just a dumb game and the point is to just spend time together, he always wants to win and gets upset when he doesn’t…”

“Good! One more! Ten, night, eight—”

“E-Eh? There's no more! It was hard enough to come up with just one!”

“That’s impossible! Seven, six—”

“H-He… He can be so… When he hears something that he doesn’t agree with, his first instinct is to assert that he's right and not to listen about the points of the other person. He's so stubborn about his views and generally thinks he's right about most things…”

“Good! Okay, one more—”

“E-Eh!?”

\--

  * One month



“I-I feel so guilty about this, but you know, I remembered something.”

“Oh?”

“He's, like, he has such a huge appetite. I mean, it’s okay, you know, there's nothing wrong with eating. But, like, his stomach is like a bottomless pit! When I'm cooking, he keeps on snacking on what I'm currently preparing that when it’s actual mealtime, there isn’t as many left as I would like. I thought I could just fix this by cooking more, but in return, he just started to snack on more!”

“Is that so?”

\--

  * Two months



“I can’t believe I only realized this now, I don’t think this is very good at all… If anything, I think I’m actually kind of… angry, I think?”

“Oh?”

“You know, he's this person who’s really, really admired by everyone. I swear, he always holds leadership positions, he's just really charismatic enough for that. But I suddenly remembered this instance where he kind of… goes with some weird… not very good… plan just so he can get what he wants.”

“Can you be more specific?”

“He—okay. Don’t tell anyone about this. I'm the only one who knows about it. At the time, I was excusing it and saying it’s okay because he means well, but now I'm just… really kind of angry—some sort of secondhand anger, is that weird…?—imagining that I'm one of the people who look up to him, and… I mean, I _was_ that kind of person, but—”

“Okay, okay. Take your time to be more organized about your thoughts.”

“All right, so there was this thing whose prize is to grant anything the winner wishes for…”

“What?”

“No, I mean, I'm not done. It’s anything you wish for… for your club. Like, you can request an additional air-conditioning unit for free, free meals for a year… I mean, there were reasonable limits imposed, of course, but it was big enough, still. The contest was to make a Christmas tree using only plastic bottles because it was meant to be some environment-related activity. The rules clearly state that the bottles used have to be those that were personally gathered by the participants, but he… he went ahead and bought a whole sack of it from some recycling center. That’s explicitly not allowed, by the way. No one ever doubted him, though. He said that the two of us gathered them, and that’s why we were able to have so many. In the end, he got his wish and got to have the student council room completely revamped…”

“Oh, wow.”

“He even used my name! He didn’t even ask me first. He just knew that I’d go along whatever he said. I feel sick. Some of the clubs needed that free help too, it’s not like the Student Council has trouble raising funds, and we just… he just…”

\--

  * Three months



“You know. I think it’s working. This whole exercise thing you're making me do… I'm realizing so many things. Maybe I just really needed someone to talk to…”

“Oh?”

“I didn’t have anyone, you know. I only had him. That must be why I so willingly overlooked all of his flaws and put him on this… pedestal. I felt like every good thing he does for me is something I owe him, so I'm always pushing myself every single second to be better, but all it did is to make me feel that I'm not worth anything. Maybe if I had more people at that time… Maybe if I had someone who helped me reexamine my thoughts… Maybe if I had you…”

“…Hm.”

“O-Oh, sorry. That’s… I was just… thinking out loud. Sorry. That must be uncomfortable. I'm your client and all…”

“It’s okay. But it’s not a good idea to rely on only me. You do have other people to talk with, don’t you?”

“Well…”

“…Hm. You should talk to more people. You're really lovely. I can tell that you're the type of person to care wholeheartedly about someone once you decide that you care. Anyone will be pleased to have you in their lives.”

“R-Right, um… yeah. Sorry. Did I make you feel uncomfortable?”

“No, it’s fine. You didn’t.”

“Y-Yeah… I'm glad… I just… um, thank you. You're really helping me a lot. I'm just really thankful. If I hadn’t come find you, I probably would still be crying myself to sleep every other night. You’ve helped me a great lot… Ah, sorry, I'm repeating myself.”

“It’s okay. Maybe next we can work on making you apologize less.”

“You can do that too? Aren’t you a dating consultant only?”

“Haha, my expertise comes with a lot of things!”

“It’s okay, though… I don’t really have money to avail additional services… I'm worried, actually. I really love talking to you, but I don’t think I can keep this up for too long anymore…”

“It’s not an additional service. It’s part of the package.”

“E-Eh? Really?”

“Yup! Well, let’s get started.”

\--

  * Four months



“You know… It really saddens me.”

“What does?”

“I think… Well… I realized something. Recently.”

“Hmm?”

“I think… I think I might have been wronged?”

“What happened?”

“Well, I was thinking, you know. I remembered something. I don’t know if I was just repressing it, or… Well, I was wondering to myself exactly why I didn’t have friends. And then, that’s when I remembered it. He gets mad when I hang out with other people.”

“Oh, Bedivere.”

“Y-Yeah, I just… I don’t know how it happened, but I completely forgot about this. I just… My brain seems to have just accepted that it’s because I'm unlikeable, plain, uninteresting… I kind of forgot that I actually did have friends before we dated and that I do have friends now that we’re apart—M-Merlin?”

“Shh.”

“…I-Is this okay? You're so warm…”

“It’s probably not okay, and it’s completely unprofessional, haha.”

“O-Oh… Sorry. You don’t have to force yourself to do this…”

“I'm not. If you don’t mind, then we can stay like this for a while.”

“Oh… Thank you… It’s been so long since I’ve been hugged by anyone… He might be the last person to hug me. I used to love it, but thinking about it now just makes me feel sick. I talk down on myself all the time, and he never refutes it. The only time he compliments me is when I do something he likes. It’s so sad. I’ve been so stupid.”

“You're not stupid. You were just lonely. That doesn’t say anything bad about you.”

“Ah… You treat me so well… Probably the best I’ve been treated my whole life. But it’s because it’s your job, right…?”

“Well, if someone sees me holding you like this, it will cost me my job, you know. Does that answer your question?”

“Oh… Oh, Merlin.”

\--

  * Five months



“You know, I'm wondering why I even liked him.”

“Why indeed?”

“I don’t know. When I think of the things I liked about him, I feel like that wasn’t even him at all. And the things that he was, he used in awful ways. He was charming, that’s true. But he also used his charm to get people to do what he wants. I believed he was a helpful, generous person, but that’s because he's accumulating gratitude for the future. It wasn’t… he wasn’t helping people for the sake of helping them. He's not as kind as I thought he was. I was blinded for so long all because I crushed on him since childhood, that when he looked my way, I thought I was the one who should be grateful.”

“I'm glad that you realized this.”

“Yes. You made me realize this. Thank you so much, Merlin. I feel… kind of emotional right now. I think this might be the last time I can visit you. I lost my job because the owners of where I work are moving overseas and decided to start anew there. I won’t be able to afford your presence while I'm trying to look for a job, so… So I just want to tell you how grateful I am now because I won’t be able to come back in a long, long while. Here you go. It’s, um… just a simple gift, but I made it with you in mind. Thank you so much for all the things you taught me and the things you made me realize. I can confidently say that I’d still be stuck in a bad place if I didn’t have you. From the bottom of my heart, thank you, Merlin.”

“…”

“…Is accepting gifts from clients bad? I wish you can make an exception since I won’t really be a client after this anymore… At least not anytime soon. I just really want to express my gratitude for you. You saved me. You fixed me.”

“Don’t say that. I didn’t fix you. You weren’t even broken.”

“I really was, though. I was broken and pathetic. I’d cry about him, surely, every week. I’d drink and cry about him. I’d check on his social media almost every day and make myself cry since he has completely moved on and is perfectly happy without me. I’d look at our old conversations and photos and then cry about that too.”

“You're not broken. You're not pathetic. You were just terribly, terribly lonely, and you didn’t have healthy ways to cope.”

“…Then, can you at least accept that you saved me?”

“I can’t take credit for something like that. I just told you what you can do, you did them, and they happened to work. And it’s not like I came seeking you. You were the one who found me because you wanted to help yourself.”

“I came to you because I wanted you to teach me how to get him back. Instead, you suggested something even better.”

“I didn’t even give you what you asked. I'm going to give you back all of your money.”

“What? No! If somehow we actually got back together due to your help, that’d just be bad. I’d still hate myself every day, I’d still think I’ll never be enough no matter how hard I work, I’d still think that I'm indebted to him for loving me. If he even loved me.”

“I’ll refund it all.”

“Stop! Why are you doing this?”

“I feel bad accepting your money.”

“Is it because I told you I lost my job? Forget about that. Let’s just pretend that I'm not going anymore because I'm already completely recovered. I don’t care about him anymore, so there's no reason to keep going. You already did your job. I'm thanking you. I'm going. That’s it.”

“It’s not that. Bedivere… I don’t want you to be my client anymore.”

“Why? What is it with me? What's wrong with me?”

“It’s not that. Why are you crying?”

“I don’t know. Why… Why are you holding me again? I thought you didn’t want to see me anymore.”

“What? When did I say that? You misunderstand. Listen, I care about you. Okay?”

“Then why don’t you want me to come in here anymore?”

“I didn’t say that. I just meant… I care about you. Like, personally. I don’t want to be helping you because of business anymore. I want to help you because we are... personally connected.”

“O-Oh…”

“Yeah. So let me give you back your money, okay?”

“But those were actual sessions… Isn’t this your job?”

“It’s more of a side hobby for me, honestly. It’s not my main job. I want to give the money back to you. And then we can keep seeing each other for free like people who know each other do.”

“Oh… Oh.”

“…I mean, only if you want, haha.”

“Of course I do! I'm overjoyed, Merlin. I was so sad about the thought of not seeing you as often. This makes me happier than you can ever imagine…”

“Ah… I'm glad. I really am. Now… since you're not my client anymore, I can finally ask you something that I wanted to ask for a while now.”

“…What is it?”

“Do you want to have dinner with me?”

\--


End file.
